remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
