Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
