I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
