I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
