i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
