We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize