I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
two words...techno handjob
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
