She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
