i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
