He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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