cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
