when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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