apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize