in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
