You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
