I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
