Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
