My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He better not be in your backpack
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
