It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
