I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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