we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
