I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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