if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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