But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
