She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
