Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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