Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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