I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
