he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
All I want is dick and wine.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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