You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
