you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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