is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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