I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Randomize
