i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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