Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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