if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
