She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
