so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
