Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
