she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
