I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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