she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize