Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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