i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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