some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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