Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
