She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
