Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
