shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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