Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize