the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
