you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize