saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
