i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
