so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
