I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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