I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
