Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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