Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
