I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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