Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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