Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
