The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My balls are so social today.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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