my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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