it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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