OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
