I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
