Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
