Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
