my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
