i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
