The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize