Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
