Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize