Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
